Posted by: Mary | June 20, 2010

You are perfect just the way you are!

I haven’t written for a little while because I started a new job. I’m very excited about it and it’s never felt so good to get a paycheck. Before I started my job I worried about how it might impact my yoga. Yoga is a huge part of my life and I need to have it in my life to stay centered. So, I was pretty worried about backsliding, reverting to couch potato fat girl.

Since I’ve been working, things have gone well. I’m able to get yoga in four to five times a week and I’m really happy about that because like most jobs, it can be stressful. But, I’m still losing weight and I’m almost at my first weight goal. I’d like to try and lose another 20 pounds.

One of the perks that comes with working is getting paid. My first paycheck came earlier this week and I was so excited to go do some shopping. I need to replace clothes that no longer fit and also replace clothes that are worn. Mostly, my clothes are way too large and while I was given some hand-me-downs from friends some of those pieces of clothing are getting big and others either weren’t my style or didn’t fit well. As nice as it is to have your friends help you out, it’s not the same thing when the clothes aren’t your own.

I went shopping yesterday and it was so weird. I wasn’t even sure what size I would be. Obviously sizes vary store to store and I’m not hung up on the size thing, but it was so cool to fit in a size 8 pant! I can honestly say I don’t remember the last time I wore an 8. And, I fit in medium shirts, which again I can’t remember the last time I wore (size small will probably not ever work because of my chest, which is fine with me).

Yet, as  I sat waiting in the dressing room for the salesperson to bring me different size, I couldn’t get over how I felt fat. I mean, I’m not skinny and never will be rail thin, but I’m much thinner than I used to be. Still I was feeling like I didn’t look good. Maybe the old image is still stuck in my head? Or, maybe I just don’t see myself properly.

I think a lot of us look in the mirror and only see our flaws; the extra bits of flab here and there, the sagging skin, the fine lines around the eyes. We – I – can be so critical.

I’m a fan of Jillian Michaels on Facebook and about a month ago she posted something and said how everyone should try to go a week without thinking anything negative about themselves. I’m not sure I lasted more than a few minutes. It’s a worthy pursuit, trying to be kind to yourself. We are perfect in our own ways and that is a beautiful thing. (some people really don’t get that, like Hedi M.) Yet, when I look in the mirror it’s so much easier to pick myself apart for all of my flaws.

I am much more accepting of myself than I once was, and I think after feeling bad  – and having such low self esteem – about myself for so long it will take time to fully accept all that is right and good about me. Luckily every day is a new day and therefore I’m going to get up every day and try to do as Jillian said: To love what I see rather than find fault and be critical.

We are perfect just the way we are! Here is yogi/singer Michael Franti reminding us that we are perfect!

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